Yesterday was President’s day. I had already decided long before the sun cracked the holiday sky that I would spend the majority of it in bed flipping through channels and wondering why I pay so much for cable only to end up watching back to back episodes of Castle or The Mentalist. I picked up my phone from the nightstand and checked my email. Lo and behold an email from Lane Bryant screaming that they had bra’s on sale for $14.99 for today only in honor of President’s day. Crap! Plans thwarted. My bra’s run a conspiracy game in which they all decide that they want to break, snap, fray, spontaneously combust…all of the above…with the same two weeks. Because of this I find myself having to buy multiples at the same time. Realizing how much of a deal this was I jumped out of bed, dressed quickly and was on my way to the town center (which conveniently had a jewelry store located beside it for my shopping convenience 🙂 ). “Hi Welcome to Lane Bryant!” the lady called as I kicked through the door. No time for pleasantries and manners. Every woman wearing a size 14 and up this side of the James River Bridge would be on the hunt for this deal. I don’t think I said hello back, I may have smiled but the only thing that came out of my mouth was “You have bra’s on sale?”. Normally I have better manners, but for my spidey sense telling me the game was afoot and I didn’t have time to waste on suck pleasantries as manners. “Over there” she pointed to a two tier rack to her side which was deserted. Yes! Seems everyone else had allowed the lure of a Monday off of work to daze their bargain shopping senses and keep them in bed, I thought. Silly rabbits…you choose to stay in your jammies and watch the view instead of scoring discounted lingerie. Clearly, I am the clever one. Or am I? The rack was relatively sparse and the only bras on sale in my size are some radioactive pumpkin orange colored monstrosities with big yellow flowers. Ick. It wasn’t even a cute orange. Who lost their job designing THAT bra? Not quite ready to give up I searched through the other sizes thinking perhaps some may be misplaced and Voila! I happen upon a decent blue and black number. Nothing I would have picked up myself but hey…for $14.99 I can live with it. Tried it on. Perfect fit. Dance of Joy. “Will that be all for you ma’am?” the lady asked. “Yes, thank you” I respond nicely, my manners having returned. Beep. She scanned the tag. “Oh. Did you find this on the sales rack? Someone must have put it over there by mistake it’s not on sale. The regular price is $36.00.” Face having fell, I wait a few seconds for her to offer a “But hey, our bad! I’ll give it to you at the sale price! Thank you for being a valued customer!” Silence. No such luck. Me frowning and manners having disappeared again “No, I don’t want it then” and flounce (maybe semi-flounce? ) out the door to the jewelry place to attempt to drown my disappointment in silver plated bliss. No such luck there either.
Later that evening a friend asked if I was successful in my hunt. I recounted my story. “You know….I’m starting to hate those narrow B cup women who can buy all the cutesie barely supportive bra’s at Walmart and Target for $7.99 while I have to shell out $36 bucks for a decent bra. $38.50 if it’s in some new collection”. “My sister complains about that all the time,” she replied. “Actually, I can find bra’s at Target….just not always the particular style I want.”
“You’re one of them!” I accused. Her friendship contract is up for review effective immediately.